To the bitter end...or lager end

And so the third instalment of the Cornetto trilogy has arrived, YES! As you push the play button you can't help thinking you're obliged to watch while either drinking a locally brewed ale or a cup of tea; all while waving a miniature British flag. Finding a British Gem is something special and as the opening sequence of The Worlds End starts, being a fan of the previous two films (especially Shaun Of The Dead) you hope that what will follow is just as, if not better than the previous films. As is the way of my film reviews, I shall only be discussing a few key points...otherwise we may be here for a while.

A key and somewhat expected element of the trilogy are  it's 'running jokes', which fans and strangers alike have come to love. One example being the most obvious is the 'hoping garden fences gag'. I personally feel this is an over stated scene in all the films. This is only due to marketing campaigns however, it would have been much more rewarding to only find out how the characters attempted to hop a garden fence in the film itself; as opposed to the very annoying sales technique of showing what happens in TV advertisments! Having said that,it's small scenes like these that make the films ooze with character.


In regards to The Worlds End specifically, the jokes are less running and more quick back and forth whitey remarks. This is all well and funny, but the very charm of this trilogy is it's physical as well as verbal humour as prominent in Shaun of the dead  and hot fuzz. The Worlds End fails to deliver this well balanced concoction however. Thinking back, the funny moments occur mostly in conversations around a pub table. These scenes are the sole provider of the laugh out loud humour and as such, these scenes almost feel rushed. The conversational pace is extremely quick, trying to squeeze in as many puns and play on words as possible. Leaving you feeling as though Edgar Wright (the Director) shouts "cut!" onset, quickly followed by him rubbing his hands together and saying "right, now there's a funny bit done, let's get back to the action!".

Talking of which, the group find themselves in a town taken over by robots (which are copies of people who are replaced by these robots) and so there is plenty of action! After surviving a couple of intense fights, they group end up being chased from pub to pub. Some of these scenes have a very generic 'doomsday' kind of look. Unlike in Shaun of the dead and Hot Fuzz, it doesn't feel like your watching a locally made film oozing with British culture. It may as well be another American made sci-fi horror. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with such films, but the great 'selling point' of these films is the fact that the most relatable audience should be British pub loving folk. But instead of pub culture it was more 'a sci-fi...but not as you know it.'

Ultimatly, the film deals with some dark and deep themes of problems with the human race and our murderous nature, self destructive nature. In comparison, Hot Fuzz turned out to be people murdering for the sake of winning 'village of the year' award. Brilliant! Discovering that Aliens have planted robots on planet earth to help us mend our ways, just makes you want to grab the nearest bin and stick two fingers down your throat.

I have this few up until the final few minutes of the film, in which the ending is actually, in my opinion, quite touching. As others are trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world...we see Simon Pegg returning to a pub trying to get served with outcast 'blanks', who are younger copies of his original group. This to me shows that his character is the very embodiment of ignorant adolescence, who just wants to have fun no matter what the cost. So even though the film deals with this dark themes, it concludes by showing us what we want to see. A somewhat light hearted 'FUCK IT!' attitude. This ending dissolves the serious undertones and leaves you with a sense of optimism in that, even when everything turns to shit...we will still instinctively seek out fun. niiiiiiiiiice *borrat voice


I give this film a 7.5/10

Screw the rules. Cross the damn streams, Now!

Why is it taking so long for the new Ghostbusters movie to be made? Everyone keeps on saying this is the age of the sequel. Well where are all the sequels that should be made. I'm not interested in Thor 2 or Paranormal Activity 67 or what ever one we're on now. There's been a few exceptions but they didn't turn out to be very good. The new Die Hard film was a big disappointment. It bored me silly, don't even remember it. And 4.0 wasn't bad, apart from when you masked the 'Fucker' out of the series most quotable line. What were you thinking. One fuck doesn't make it an 18 certificate. I've composed a list of films that are screaming out for sequels.


Gremlins (Bring Mogwai back. I'll keep him, I know the rules)

Ghostbusters (Rumours rumours rumours)

Jurassic Park (Everyone loves Dinosaurs don't they?)

Avatar (I know a sequel is coming but it's too far away)

Sin City (Why are you being delayed)

Dark Knight Rises (Come on Nolan just one more)

Austin Powers (Keep hearing rumours but whys it been so long since Goldmember?)

Ace Ventura (Seriously needs to become a trilogy. release this year and it will have been 20 years since the original)

Dumb and Dumber (This ones definitely happening and can't wait)

Indiana Jones (I didn't mind Crystal Skull, Harrison's got another one in him)

Jackass (I know people think it's controversial but it's what Dunn would have wanted)

Bad Boys (It's been a while since Will Smith has owned the screen. Are you going to make it? Whatcha gonna do)

Southpark (Please make another movie so I can go and see it and not be 7 years old this time)

What are you waiting for?

The other day I was casually browsing the web when I stumbled upon a video for a new streets of rage game. It was only a few minutes of gameplay but after watching it I knew right away that it was a game I needed to play. sadly though, much to my surprise, the game was only a prototype and had been cancelled. Basically, the way it goes is game prototypes are much like movie scripts. There's loads of them floating about but only a handful get picked to develop into a releasable game. It got me thinking though; Surely I'm not alone. Surely there are others that idolise this game and want it back so they can once again play local multiplayer. Oh, they were the days. I used to play the original streets of rage all the time with my brother. I remember we'd... Oh it doesn't even matter. They aren't making it. Why Sega? Why? You own some of my most cherished gaming memories Sonic and Streets of Rage. Why is it that you now suck. You continue to disappoint me with you Sonic games. Why can't you just accept that Sonic, although a better mascot, isn't Mario and doesn't translate to 3D well at all. The games you knock out now make even flickies' island look acceptable and I slated that game when it came out. That games a fucking masterpiece in comparison to the new sonic games. There was a glimmer of hope when you released the highly anticipated Sonic 4 and although people weren't overly keen I liked it more than most. It had signs of potential, even if you did split it into 2 parts you money grabbing... I'm getting side tracked here. My point is you need to start listening to your customers, or at least the majority because there's a few that haven't got a clue what they're talking about ( in case you were wondering I'm referring to the idiots that buy the new games). If you look on videos of the old sonic games, it isn't long before a comment is about nostalgia and, ' oh sega why can't you make another one'. I'm not the only one. Sega, sort your life out and do what I know is right, I'd say do what you know is right but I get the feeling you need a helping hand here. Don't get angry with me, I've only your best interests in mind.

Just in case you missed it.

MAKE A NEW STREETS OF RAGE GAME

MAKE A NEW SONIC GAME THAT IS 2D AND MOVES LIKE `THE OLD SONIC

That is all.

3D...not seeing the benefits

3D has grown at a stupendous rate over the last few years, it's an absolute must for all major blockbusters to offer audiences the chance to see them in 3D; but it's questionable if adding another dimension enhances the viewing experience.

 I truly would like to say so, but it's actually rather odd. 3D has effectively given rise to a new 'genre' of film as it were. We can already see filming techniques being utilized in order to produce some amazing 3D results but I I feel there needs to be an ultimatum of either films being made purely for viewing purposes in 3D, or not at all. A good example is The Hobbit and The Desolation of Smaug of which I have written a short review. There are moments within this film where you think "They have clearly shot it that way for the 3D experience". An arrow point speeding up close to the camera ect. For me however, this spoils the viewing experience of non-3D film. I need to be able to lose myself within the story, I can't do this with a 2D film while there are certain camera shots within it which are obviously for the entertainment of the 3D viewer.

I think what it comes down to is a 'coolness' factor. I am not for one second degrading 3D, far from it. But 3D just offers a 'cool' element to a film. Can you imagine watching a film like A Beautiful Mind and thinking it would have been better in 3D? Probably not. 3D is only appropriate for visually impressive sequences and should remain as such. Not all films being released are available in 3D, many are not simply because like I say there would be no point. I am just hoping that 3D is recognised as an addition to our ever widening choice of viewing experiences...and not becoming the norm.

Making A Hobbit Of It

The Hobbit and Decimation of Smaug is the second instalment Peter Jackson's trilogy based on J.R.R. Tolkiens' book. The film from the outset however, has somewhat of an identity crises: it doesn't know if it's a children's adventure story, a rom-com or the great adventure story as promised in all of it's hype. Allow me to elaborate with a few key points.

the film opens with something of a mini prequel, we are taken back to the town of Bree and the Prancing Pony pub. Seeing these familiar settings as experienced in Lord Of The Rings trilogy was somewhat warming and reminiscent: doing well to remind the audience that this in fact all in the same universe as LOTR. However, the first living thing we see on screen is Peter Jackson in his cameo, walking across the street and eating a carrot, and so the audience has reality slapped straight in the face reminding them of who made the film and yes...he likes cameo's. Oddly enough this mixture of light hearted comedy mixed in with serious story elements sets the mood for the entire film. In absolutely every single key scene there is a sprinkling of humour, and there simply no need for it. The film is inconsistent in it's mood and the best example of this is during the main 'chase' sequence.



Bilbo and the Dwarfs find themselfs in wooden barrels in some rapids as they fend off Orcs. At the same time, Elfs in the form of Logalace and a sexy 'she-elf' are also fighting Orcs. Within this pinnacle chase, there are some very graphic and bloody maneuvers, but not 5 seconds later there are elements of humour through some fat ass Dwarf rolling into a group of Orcs like a bowling ball. The humour degrades the seriousness of the story line and the darkness and highly graphic fighting scenes make the humour seem badly placed and often unnecessary. This constant mixture of complicated and violent combat sequences and humour, means it's hard to adjust to a particular frame of mind for the film to make any meaningful or in-depth impact on the audience.



In terms of characters I want to love them individually, but I've been given no opportunity to do so. Non of the characters show any emotion, be it outwardly in general or towards each other. In comparison to Lord Of The Rings, the audience is able to pinpoint each of the characters emotional states within the fellowship and what role they play within it. I think I can distinguish more between Snow White and her seven Dwarfs than I can this group of Dwarfs, even after having already seen them on screen for more than 5 hours. Other factors also hinder the opportunity to connect emotionally with the film, for example Stephen Fry's character as the master of laketown. He seems like a town leader you may come across in a pantomime. His character should of been more of the steward of Gonder in The Return of The King. Instead he is a silly drunken 'village idiot', which again reminds you of the childlike writings of the original book.Which is all well and good, but clashes horribly with other more serious undertones throughout the film.

Besides from acting and group dynamics, another very important feature that a film should utilise in order to influence the way you feel and connect with the film is the soundtrack, or the lack thereof. There is absolutely no rememberable soundtrack to this film, in this regard it is the complete opposite to Lord of The Rings.

CGI - this film should be retitled 'Bilbo and his fellow CGI companions'. This film is very CGI heavy and feels over used, even in scenes where a simple stunt double could have been used to perform acrobatic manoeuvres...CGI has been used instead. This constant synthetic look just makes you feel ever more detached from the film and characters. And for those who have seen the film already, I hope you agree that the molten gold looked extremely poor.

There seems to be a lot wrong here, in truth the film was ok, good even. but for saying who made it and it's hype, it should have been better!

I give this film a 7/10

At 90° With Sore Knees

For those of you that are Karl Pilkington fans and more specifically the 'Idiot abroad series', I wish to take you back to when Karl visited India. Although a largely unpleasant visit for our growing national treasure, he did come across some interesting spectacles; One of which being when he visited the Kumbh Mela festival. Here Karl met religious Babas that practised extreme feats of yoga, the reasoning being it is through these forms of yoga that these people feel spiritually enlightened. Because of this, some have dedicated a large proportion of their lives to, for example, holding one arm up in the air for several years.


 And so...Karl is walking around these various different Babas finding out what each one is doing and why they are doing it. Some are extremely flexible, some do some seriously messed up things with their meat and two veg and others, as given in the example, hod certain posses for years on end. At the end Karl makes funny comments and finds the whole visit bewildering ect. Allow me to offer a different version of this trip.

Karl is standing at the start of a long line of Baba's, he slowly strolls past each one. Now and then the Baba's will offer to show more yoga if Karl pays. (of course we all know that extreme poverty won't lead people to do some bizarre things for money). After seeing several of these Baba's Karl comes to the last one. Oddly enough its Miley Cyrus. She is bent over and twerking her ass off! As usual wearing skin tight revealing spandex which squeaks as she jiggles. Karl walks round to her front and lowers into a crouching position so he is now level with Miley. He asks why? Still twerking away with onlookers taking a good long look, she turns her head and says "the more I do this, the more money I get"



After, it cuts to Karl asking the questions we all love Karl asking; the types of questions that your conscience constantly asks, but only Karl voices. "I thought she was a singer?" I thought she use to be a children's entertainer?", I thought she didn't care what people think of her, but whenever she is in public view has to bend over and shake her ass endlessly."

there are despised figures such as Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber because of the things they say and do. This normalisation of famous individuals doing or saying outrageous things has become more of an issue in the 21st century, as instant worldwide communication means that within minutes of it happening, fans half way around the world can here of Justin Beiber spitting on fans.

Point being, the music industry or rather, certain individuals within it, are missing the point. Individuality and self expression is what the industry is all about, but Miley Cyrus is an advert for prostitution. I would say she is in fact just a few so called 'twerks' away from being an actual prostitute.

In short, higher standards are needed. Fortunately though, if you know where to look; real music is still going stronge. It's just a genuine shame that some of  the big players let the image of being a musician suffer.

My Favourite Music Videos. Number 54:

Sigma - Rudeboy (Ft. Doctor)

Have you ever watched a music video and just thought, "Shit, I could have made that". Well I watched this and thought just that. It's such a simple idea for a video but just beautifully shot and cut together. It uses a urban street fight as it's concept and turns it into an epic battle of justice and righteousness. I personally can't get enough of this right now. I'v been inspired by this video. I too need to look at my surroundings; find a scenario and adapt it into an equally simplistic but enjoyable music video. Oh, It's as easy as that is it.



I'm still thinking..